Every movie you love ruined by Nic Cage.
Mom: What's he taking a picture of?
Me: Us, chillin. Like a villain.
Mom: I have to steal something now?
Waitress: are we saving any room for dessert? Should I bring a menu?
Ben: yeah, maybe.
Me: you're gonna want dessert?
Ben: its been a tough week!
Me: are you PMSing?
Ben: yes.
So while Ben and I were in the Czech Republic we found an SD card on the ground outside one of the castles. We just now got around to loading it onto the computer…
Needless to say the above is what Russian teens do in their spare time.
“I’m going to start my own company selling condoms and caskets. The slogan will be we’ve got you covered whether your cumming or going.”
The Chicken Ranch Prostitutes Documentary
“I need to fix my breasts-for my health-so I don’t wake up when I’m 72, put a revolver to my temple, and shoot myself because I can’t feed my cats.”
My mom got my sister a Macbook for her birthday and asked me to draw something for her background… Viola! :D
Graeme: Whats the matter Clive?
Clive: There is an alien in the kitchen making bagels and coffee.
Graeme: Did you want tea?
Clive: No, I don't want tea!
Graeme: Right, because tea is weird in America.
Fuck that, my spidey sense is tingling!
“It wasn’t radioactive,” the doctor said. “It was a Brown Recluse spider.”
“Fuck that.” I said. “My spidey sense is tingling!”
“That’s nerve damage.” he said
I’d like to axe you a few questions.
”I think you should make like a tree and just stand there while I go get my chainsaw.”
-A Softer World = Beauty
Definitely one of my favorites.
